Tonight I switched off my cellphone. I have prepared dinner. And I invited Abang Ngah for dinner. At least I owe him this much. I must face him.
Around eight, he arrived with some flowers and a bar of Lindt Macadamia chocolate. Pandai nak ambil hati aku. Hati aku cair secair chocolate.......
Aku bertanyakan khabarnya lalu menjemput duduk. "Please have a seat. I have cook up something new which I saw on You Tube. Gordon Ramsey's Shephard's pie. I hope you'll like it...". I immediately serve shrimp cocktail for our entre.
"So.....what's going on with you, Q? You have not been avoiding me, have you?", Kasyaf asked. He took a gulp of water.
Aku memandang Abang Ngah. "In a way.....yes. I have been avoiding you.", there I've said. There was a huge surprised look on his face.
Abang Ngah placed his fork on his plate and wiped both sides of his mouth. "Have you....?", he deliberately asked again. "Do you have any problem with me....?". He looked at me, hard.
"Yes, I have been avoiding you. Tonight I want to come clean with you. Please hear me out....", I said clearly.
"Okay, I'm listening...", he replied sambil menganggukkan kepala.
"Alright.....hhaaa......abang ngah, you have been going around telling people that we are engaged. And we're not. Get that clearly okay abang ngah. Kita adik beradik whether you can accept it or not. I need you to understand that it is impossible for us to get married. I have met someone and have been seeing him for almost a year.", I told him off.
He lifted his fork and took a bite of the shrimp. "...so you kept it a secret from me all this time....? Why Q....", he asked.
I haven't touch my food and just stared at it. Abang Ngah suddenly slammed his hand on the table and it shook the tall glass placed next to his plate. "Who is this guy....that you are seeing? Do I know him....?", another question directed to me. "You make me look like a fool....you know that....!". He was pissed off.
Aku memberanikan diri melawan abang ngah. "You are being ridiculous....telling your friends we are engaged to be married. You make ME look like a fool, too......You tak malu ke....people know we are brother and sister.", I stressed the main issue in hand and not who is the guy I'm going out with.
"You are so sure that we are related...", he was being cynical about our relationship. "So.....are you a doctor now? You didn't come out of my mother's womb.....I saw she brought you back from....from ...that ....old man who abandoned you because your of....the death of your parents and had no money....!".
"Thank you for the reminder....", I said.
"Well, you brought it on to yourself....", he fired back at me.
"Abang ngah......, I have clarified with daddy and mommy. Kalau tak percaya, malam ni jugak kita boleh pergi jumpa mommy....untuk dapatkan kepastian.....", I insist. Now I stared directly at him.
"I've spent my entire life taking care of you...protecting you....I've been there for you...good times and bad times....I have sacrifice so much and this is the thanks I get....?", he raised his voice.
"Ohh....Jadi Q kena balas balik lah semua jasa abang ngah .....dengan mengahwini my own abang....? Yes, Q sedar Q ni anak pungut....you do not have to remind me. I am grateful to your family for raising an orphan and was given a second lease of life......Q ingat selama ni abang sayangkan Q because you care so much for your little sister........Come on la.....abang ngah be rational and grow up for once and for all. You are my brother just like abang long and abang chik....kenapa abang ngah ada perasaan cinta terhadap Q.....there are so many other women out there waiting for you.....Q tak pernah ada perasaan cinta sebagai seorang kekasih terhadap abang ngah. Jadi let's move on.....", I sternly replied.
"Dasar perempuan yang tak sedar di untung!", he snapped at me and stood up....his face was so red....
At this point I felt my safety was a little threatened. Then I stood up too. "Abang Ngah.....sit down....let's be civilized....nothing you say can change my feelings towards you.....I want to apologized if in any way,.....all this while if I may have mislead your feelings......please...., let's sit and eat our dinner....", aku memujuknya.
Dia duduk kembali lalu mengangkat garpu. Sambil menyucuk sayur dalam pinggannya, "I thought to love me....", he uttered.
"Of course I love you but sayang seorang adik terhadap abangnya. Itu saja.....", I said. "Q, tak boleh tangguh lagi perkara ini. I have to clear the air. Now that I am in a 'relationship' I need to put this....you and I.....behind,.....in the past. I will always respect you Abang Ngah. Yes I owe you a lot but please don't force our love to go beyond what is concede. I am tired of running away from you, abang ngah.......hiding from you and ignoring your presence. I want things to be normal. Can I count on you......abang ngah?", I was practically pleading.
His eyes was still fixed on the plate of salad. "Abang ngah......can I count on you.....?", I asked him again. He looked up.....and I can see tears welled up in his eyes.....
"Abang ngah.....please don't.....please don't cry.......you are making me feeling guilty......", I said and aku tiba-tiba sebak.
"You should.....feel guilty.....I hope for the rest of your life. This guy......you're seeing......it won't last!.......then I want to see you crawl back to me....!", he expressed his anger. He stood up and grabbed his jacket before slamming my door......
Well, it went well.....didn't it?
After the commotion with Abang Ngah....I lost my appetite....Lazy to clean up the dishes of untouched food, I lay on the couch and start sobbing. Should I call mom and dad? Maybe they can put some sense into abang ngah.
I grabbed my cellphone on the coffee table. There were 2 missed calls. Emir?? 8:15pm and 8:20pm....I redial the last number and it was ringing....
The moment someone pick up the phone I could hear loud music in the background. A mixture of men and women's voices perhaps at a party or discotheque..."Hello.....", I called.
Then I heard a familiar voice.....It was Emir's....."Hey, what's up", he asked. Sounds like him but I couldn't exactly say it was him.
"Did you call me earlier tonight...?", I raised my voice and was already sitting upright on the couch. Pressing the cellphone closer and closer to my ears....."Emir? Is that you....? Why did you call me....?", I asked him back.
"Hello....?", he said again....I can hear women laughing......
Credit to MarianJolaVEVO and You Tube
And I hang up..................pergi mampuslah......
Note : Pictures and images are for illustration purpose only and are sources from Google.
